How to Get a Girlfriend

No, the title isn't advice for pubescent boys. It's the subject of a Lemondrop article I just read, about how difficult it is for adult women to find new gal pals when they move or their life circumstances change.  The lady who wrote the article even has a blog devoted to finding her new best friend - MWF Seeking BFF. If you've ever been in that situation - or, like me, you're in it now - you might want to check out her funny-but-oh-so-true writings on the subject.

I've been living in the DC suburbs for about a year, so I've made some friends, but I don't have the kind of bestie I've usually relied on. In college, I was almost always with one of my three girl BFF's (or with MJ, a different kind of BFF). Whether I was picking up my dry cleaning, studying in the library, or hitting up a frat party, one (or more) of them was always with me. After I graduated, my BGF (Best Guy Friend) and I used to carpool to work together, run 4-6 miles and hit the gym during our lunch break, then eat lunch together, than carpool home together before meeting up with our significant others for dinner and hot-tubbing or happy hour... it was a lot of togetherness. And that's before you add in long runs for marathon training and computer classes on the weekends.

I miss having the kind of deep friendships that are so comfortable you can hang out without needing to talk, where you always have a date for the latest cheesy movie, pedicure or gym trip, or just to watch Jersey Shore on TV and laugh at other people while you eat cookies.  Husbands are fantastic and I adore mine - he is, of course, my closest friend. But to me, a husband and a BFF are different things, and they're both important.

So far, my efforts have included making a work friend into a real friend. We went swimming together yesterday and I may - questionable as I find it - go watch SATC 2 with her. However, she refuses to go see Eclipse with me because she "isn't into vampires".  Yes, the fact that no one will go see Eclipse with me tells me that I need to work harder on developing new friendships (although I could go by myself, having discovered that a) attending the movies solo is strangely liberating and b) no one will eat all your Sno-Caps on you).

And I met a bunch of girls through my church, the problem being that I only see them once in a blue moon thanks to the fact that I seem to travel for work every other week. Part of a friendship is really just proximity and time in the early stages, IMO - you need to build the trust and the in-jokes and the memories of that friendly bond.

The Lemondrop article points to two resources for finding a new BFF on the interwebs: Girlfriend Circle, and Girlfriend Social. Both resemble dating sites to a rather eery degree (although they are quick to state that these are for women only, and for platonic friendships).  Girlfriend Circle is a pay site, although if there's no circle in your area yet, you can join for free.  Girlfriend Social is all free. You sign up, build a profile, and then begin looking for new friends that might make a good fit.

I have no qualms about turning to the internet to make friends. MJ and I have used Meetup in the past, when we moved to California, to make new couple friends. We had a couple of not so successful events we attended (80's party, I'm looking at you). But we also went kayaking, to a BBQ and played volleyball, which caused us to meet a small core group of people that became new friends. 

It's funny, though - I never needed internet dating. When you meet your husband in college, where boys are everywhere, internet dating just seems sort of unnecessary. But friends?  I'm hoping that my junior high BFF moves back to DC when she finishes her law degree, that my college BFF's and BGF and I stay close, and that I can turn work & church friends into anytime friends.

But if making new friends in real life doesn't quite pan out, I also just might hit the internet.